2 things have prompted me in the last while: Rand Al'Thor, and Derek Webb. Those of you who know either know that Rand is always not understanding women, and Derek is a forthright lyrical genius concerning how he feels about them. Both sum up a lot of whats going on...
Love is Different (Derek Webb)
Well, it looks like five thousand miles broke the camel's back
But it's not as though I had a plan to win you back
Because I don't know what I want
But at least I know that much
Now I'm afraid love came right up
And it slapped me in the face, but I did not know
'Cause love is different than you'd think
It's never in a song or on a TV screen
And love is harder than a word
Said at the right time and everything's alright
Love is different than you think
So I won't expect a postcard from Trafalgar Square
But I'd be lying if I said I didn't care
Because you can't just turn it off
And put a blindfold on your heart
But I’m off to a good start
A continent away, but I do not know
But maybe you're the dream I’m waking from
'Cause I see you everywhere I go
Darlin' you are such a mystery to me, you know
So guys I have been brooding over an idea for quite some time. The whole idea of dating or waiting, the m-word, and God's sovereignty/timing. We need to stop looking at this issue as a java-induced child looks at a Jenga game, and start looking at the way Christ would have us treat any person. Its about character, and long-term, and all those big words that make my stomach churn because I'm lonely. You know what is exciting news? The longer we have to develop strong, godly character, the more intimate our future relationships will be. We should praise God that he has given us more time to prepare ourselves for a wife.
To that end, I have given up dating altogether. Firstly it seems to me to carry the same weight of a promise item (a lesson painfully learned) Secondly, godly friendships CAN be developed as they should without titles and built-in expectations. Promise items are liken to the idea of teasing someone about a good you have, and then giving no actual guarantee that the good will be delivered. Let your 'yes' be yes and your 'no' be no. Many are prepared to say that godly friendships will get to a point where a secondary step must be taken, before engagement, so as to make known to other people an 'officiality' of the relationship. (I do not mean to be harsh to any that have done this, I just believe there to be a better way) This seems to be done for one of two reasons that I have observed: To please the public eye or to please the private eye. In the public's eye people often seek status, or respect, and in the private eye the individuals involved in the relationship often seek identification, and solace. (This is not a complete list obviously :) All of these things can be found in God, for if one is in love with the Saviour, their status is found in him, they will not be swayed by the lack respect given them, furthermore they will find true identification and solace.
(at this point I will make one plug for dating, but please note that many people think they fall into this category when in fact they more than likely do not. It is this: There is a genuine commitment in the relationship which will not fail in manifesting itself in marriage, and both persons understand this, but believe it is best to wait a little while before making the engagement official)
Having said these things, I do not in any way condone dating relationships, but I believe I can get to know someone better by doing away with titles and inherent expectations involved in a 'dating relationship'. The craziest thing, and probably the scariest, will be the day of my proposal.
Trying to be a tortiose in an age of hares...
Todd.
2 comments:
Todd, will you marry me? Just kidding. Seriously though, awesome thoughts, well worded and well said. And, props for the Derek Webb quote... he really has to be one of the best lyricists in the world today. Much love bud!
Thanks for taking the time, Trademark.
Looks like all those late hours at camp and elsewhere are finally solidifying in both our minds... and we've largely come to similar conclusions. Here's my only point - I agree that the label of 'dating' is largely just to appease social expectations and outside pressures, and that it carries a lot of needless weight with it, *however* I'm not certain doing everything we can to fight the system is always the best course of action. There comes a point where (as I discovered in my previous relationship) trying to resist labels just becomes pointless and trivial - people WILL label relationships as such whether we like it or not. That said, as long as the two people in the relationship are open in communication and have a shared understanding of where they are at, labels are nigh irrelevant and in no way need to affect the expectations or pressures in the relationship. I see nothing wrong with 'dating' as a label, as long as it's done very differently from the norm - ie. much the way you've described it: godly, friendship focused, forward looking, filled with hope but not in things that are not yet promised, etc. More or less, I'm just sick of the whole "dating vs. courting vs. godly friendship" debate because ultimately everything is going to be case-by-case anyway, not to mention that each of those three contenders is defined differently by different people... ultimately meaning that LABELS ARE MEANINGLESS. I figure, as long as she and I know where we're at, and do our finest to be open about that with others, who gives a crap what we call it?
Just some thoughts... obviously you have provoked many of them. Thanks.
Oh, and you might want to look up the word 'condone'... and also, if you are indeed a turtle, you're a trailblazing turtle... along with the rest of us who refuse to end up being Rand Al'Thors.
Speaking of Rand... his biggest mistake was the whole multiple women thing. One is plenty... yae almost too much. ;)
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